Is this my train

Lady: is this my train?

Station master: no madam, it belongs to the railway company

Lady: don't try to be funny. i mean to ask you, can i take this train to new Delhi?

Station master: no madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy

The Titanic

Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Pupa in the ship.
Italian: How far is land, from here?
Pupa: Two miles...
Italian: Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian: Just tell me which side is land two miles from here?
Pupa: Downwards...

Policeman and a Little Boy

A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."

My Father Speaking

Student (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

School Secretary: Who is this?

Student: This is my father speaking!

The son’s future

A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their son's future career would be, So they decided to give him a test. They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home. The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items. The father slapped his forehead and said, "Damn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined..." "What do you mean?" his wife asked.
"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the very unhappy father.